Stormy Weather & Introspection...

(Photo:  Lisa Erin Brown)

The sky deeply rumbles, the scent of impending rain hanging heavily on the breeze. Any time I hear the approach of my favorite mood of Gaia's, I immediately go to the camera, followed immediately by the front door. Those cracks and rumbles booming in the near distance are letting me know that lightning is striking, and rain is falling. Somewhere. Hopefully, close by. I can be having the worst day imaginable, but inject some stormy weather into the mix and my frown will turn upside down in no time. The photo above is the first thing I saw after going outside and looking up. My first thought was of a naturally occurring Yin-Yang. The light meeting the dark. The positive meeting the negative. Duality.

(Photo:  Lisa Erin Brown)

Here on the coast, I get to witness the approach of storms in interesting ways. I have caught the distinct edge of more than one storm pulling itself from inland like a dark fluffy blanket being laid over the marsh. In some ways the weather patterns on the coast can make one feel like you are living on the edge of a shelf. I suppose that's not completely off the mark since the coast kind of drops off as it meets the wide watery expanse of the Atlantic. The sky here is big and blue much like the Atlantic. However, I find the sky is much more interesting. It's moods, it's changes, are more easily witnessed. I enjoy the sky immensely. Some of my favorite things reside in the sky. The Stars. The Moon. The clouds. It is the clouds that called me outside.

(Photo:  Lisa Erin Brown)

I have one specific vantage point of the marshland that I never tire of photographing. I have caught each mood of Mother Earth from that one spot, and each time is as magical as the last. It encapsulates what I love most about the place I live. The trees, the moss, the marsh. It is a corner of the outside world that I craved for so long.  Living in a vast city like Los Angeles can wear on someone from a more beucolic place. Finally, I returned to the Deep South, and the flora and fauna I grew up around. I missed so much of the nature here. And rain...boy, did I miss the rain. Lightning and thunder so angry it shakes a structure to it's very foundation. Heavy rain rhythmically falling in sheets and waves, lulling me into an unequalled state of calm. I have a short list that contains my personal forms of therapy.  Photography is one, as is hanging out in graveyards snapping pictures. The other therapeutic form at the top of my list is rain.

(Photo:  Lisa Erin Brown)

I have been doing quite a bit of introspection over the last few weeks. Trying to push my re-set button in constructive ways. Mentally and emotionally, I have needed to take stock for a long time. Negativity has held more of my energy than I would like. Yes, it has come in fits and starts, but it has had more of an effect on me than I care to admit. It's not a characteristic state for me by any stretch, but it has visited me frequently. Mostly in the form of stress.

Now is the time for some changes. My chief source of stress is almost at its conclusion, so that will be extremely welcome. I am feeling the need to make some strides on my own though. Do some reassessing and readjusting of my head, mainly. The unconscious mind is a funny thing. More funny-strange, than funny-haha. Well, as it is applied to what I'm talking about. Stress and worry can eat away at the core, turning someone into a shadow of their former self. In a way, it's like becoming a prisoner of your own mind. Worrying about the things you can't change or control to the point of derailing your ability to cope and guide the things you do have control over. The result? Feeling like a poor reproduction of the person you once were.

(Photo:  Lisa Erin Brown)

Sounds a tad dramatic, I know. Sad to say that on several levels, that's how I've been feeling. Time for a change though. The most used description of times like this are when people say they are "starting a new life". That phrase has never made sense to me. Yes, I know what it means, but we can't "start a new life" (if only it were that easy). The best we can do is what I have been feeling the need to do...hit the re-set button. Rejuvenate.  Breath life back into life.

One of the main culprits in this bothersome funk is the quashing of my creativity. I am a vastly creative person and not being able to release it in my usual ways has had a definite effect on my mental state. Roughly six or seven years ago, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. As someone who uses their hands a lot (drawing, painting, sewing, etc.), dealing with the restrictive illness has been tough. I have projects already begun that I have wanted to complete, but not being able to get the necessary usage out of my hands has been...well, for lack of a better word, infuriating. It has been a long infuriating and frustrating ride to this point, with not being able to create with my hands. I think I would have gone absolutely bonkers if it hadn't been for my newly discovered creative streak of the last few years, photography. Capturing images in creative ways. Yes, I plan to invest in a better camera as soon as I'm able, but if it weren't for this small digital camera...well, like I said...bonkers...squared!

(Photo:  Lisa Erin Brown)

Now that I have lived with my RA stiffness and pains for awhile, I have figured out ways to side-step the effects. I can start to work on new ways to achieve what I easily produced before. It will still take time, but time is the one constant in everything we do. Everything takes the requisite amount of time.

A book is waiting in my cerebral wings, so to speak. Typing is something I can do. That's why my blog has been my second saving grace. Sharing whatever I want to share. Creating my posts from found and researched information on topics of interest to me (and I hope to others), and creating posts from the wellspring of my own psyche. The compounding daily stresses can also act as a locked and bolted door that blocks the pathways of written words. "Writer's Block". I have been plagued with a bit of that, too. That's all changing though. I'm creating a new head space. One that functions in a stronger capacity. One that functions in a more positive way. Hitting that re-set button. That's what it's all about.

The sky continues to grumble. Looking out across the marsh, I can see the dark malformed puffs of clouds moving across the sky. I have always wanted to set-up the tripod and film the moving clouds. To record just how quickly they move when the weather is 'off'. Gaia is dealing with her own stresses at the moment, with droughts, floods, fires, all kinds of natural dangers. Stormy, angry weather...she has her moods, too. I think she's entitled.

This time of the year brings weeks of forecasts predicting the "possibility" of scattered thunderstorms. That's the weather peoples' way of saying "we don't know what's going to happen, but it could rain". There is a storm friendly breeze blowing, and the grey clouds are moving in. I caught the blazing orange flash of a couple of lightning bolts out of the corner of my eye. Things definitely look as though they are primed for the "bottom to fall out" of the sky. There wouldn't be any complaints made, by me or anyone else.  We sure do need it.

Will it rain today? No one can say with certainty. Whenever Mother Earth decides to fulfill her promises of rain, I'll be here. Pushing the re-set button.

(Photo:  Lisa Erin Brown)