Shadows. Dark forms, black as pitch. Even in a darkened room there is usually just enough light to allow one’s eyes to adjust…to make out forms. Shapes and shadows of objects in the room. Sometimes the eyes can make out the shape of other things…
For the last few months I have been having some experiences that both intrigue and unnerve me. Part of me is convinced that the experiences are real…but in what sense? They are probably the stuff of dreams, but they seem so real as to make my imagination think of other possibilities. I haven’t been very vocal about them because up until a few days ago I wasn’t convinced that there was anything to truly relate to anyone. What proof do I truly have? With each experience, I appear to be quite lucid, and my eyes seem to be open. With each passing night the big question mark for me is ‘did I actually see what I thought I was seeing’?
Before I go any further, I will try to explain what my experiences are. For some time now, I have been sleeping on the bed in our computer room here because I need to incline my back and shoulders when I sleep. My back and joint issues make sleeping flat on a mattress painful, and of course that means sleep isn’t possible. When I shut down the computer before I lie down on my pillows for some rest, it gets very quiet in here. Fairly dark, and quiet. Not until the last couple of months have I felt even the slightest unease when I turn the lights off. It’s not a fearful unease, but the unease of…I don’t know how else to say it…the unease of feeling like I’m not alone in the room. Initially, I just chalked it up to the fact that I watch quite a lot of paranormal shows on television. That being said, that sort of stuff has never bothered me. I have had experiences with hauntings in the past, so I do believe in ghosts/spirits. I don’t really count any of that as the cause of these feelings. The frequency of my odd 'mental' events just has me a tad perplexed.
The first time I had an ‘experience’, it really freaked me out. I seemed to wake up; I lifted my head and looked over towards the computer which is on a table to the right of the bed on the opposite wall. I remember seeing the form of a person standing by the computer chair, and closer to the room’s door I could make out a kind of churning shape that appeared to be forming into something. I laid back and closed my eyes, but had to take another look. I remember slowly turning my head and really trying to focus my eyes. I figured it was all imaginary, and if I looked really hard I would find that nothing was really there. That didn’t happen. The churning mass continued to form something, and the image by the chair seemed to turn what I thought to be its head in my direction. At that point I just shut my eyes and tried to focus on something else. Eventually I fell back to sleep, but when I got up that morning the experience was still very vivid in my mind. So…was it real? Was I dreaming? I have extremely vivid dreams from time to time. It could have been. As it was a bit unnerving, I decided that it was a dream and pushed it away out of mind.
I have had several similar experiences since then. I say similar because they haven’t been the same forms. Some of the more recent images have clearly been people. The last ‘incident’ was night before last…one was seated at the foot of the bed, and another was standing by the bookcase. There hasn’t been anything sinister about the images. Some are looking at me, and some aren’t. It always seems that they know that I can see them just as they apparently see me.
So…what do these images, visions, whatever you want to call them, mean? I would immediately call them dreams, but I am utterly convinced that I do open my eyes and move my head. Am I conscious? I can definitely say that I’m not fully conscious. I think that is clear. Am I in the alpha state at these times? That seems to be the best explanation. If I’m in the alpha state, I would be in a light sleep with the ability to tap into my subconscious. It is a state where dreams are produced…but it is also a state that is prime for entering into meditation. The mind is more open. The focus pullers of the conscious mind are, in essence, ‘asleep’. Assuming that I am in ‘alpha’, which is it…dreams or something else?
The last incident that I mentioned above was very vivid. I have memory of my eyes being open, and I remember thinking to myself, “okay, now my eyes are clearly open…there is no denying it”. But were they? The mind is an interesting and mysterious thing. To say I am puzzled would be an understatement. Frustrated even. I just want to know for sure what is causing me to see these “images”. How? I have no idea.
Most will just call it vivid dreaming, and maybe that’s all it is. I have had a couple of recurring dreams in the past. Can this be classified as a recurring dream? I have to say, “No”. If I saw the same images each time, I would have called it a recurring dream after the first few times. The images are different each time. Some are more vivid and formed than others. If it is a dream, what is the message, if any?
Will I see more “visitors” in my room in the days to come? I suppose time will tell. Whatever these ‘dreams/visions’ have to tell me, I hope they say it soon…I need sleep...