Tuesday, January 4, 2011

So it begins...

A fresh blog. It seemed the way to go since a new year is upon us...upon me. Looking forward, it is essential that I strive towards some creative goals. In many respects, my creativity has been dormant over the last several months. Stress has been a major factor. Too much of it. That coupled with the continual intense pain I've been experiencing, well...let's just say it has been seriously 'harshing my mellow'. There has also been some negative influence by a few people who will remain nameless. You mention the name, you give the owner power. You give them power, the negative vibes get re-energized. Who the hell needs that? Looking back and revisiting past events can drive one crazy. It's past, man. History. Can't be erased or re-written. Let it go. Let it go, and move on. This blog is an element of me moving on.

Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is spirituality. Mine. I'm a spiritual person. Not a religious person. Technically, I'm a confirmed Lutheran. Was baptized in a big Lutheran church when I was in my puberty years. Went through confirmation classes. I even served as an Acolyte. That's the person who uses a taper (a long implement that has a special wick for lighting candles on one end, along with a snuffer) to light the alter candles at the beginning of a service, and snuff them out at the end of the service. The days I would have Acolyte detail, I had to go to the special room behind the alter where the black and white robes were kept. I'd put on the robes and the little black...beanie? I really don't know what to call it. It's basically the same type of deal as a Yarmulke, but since I didn't go to Synagogue I have no idea what to call it but a...beanie. Sans propeller. I'd get my cue to head out for the candle lighting. Wick blazing away, I'd attend to my duty while the organist played. That was the coolest part of the gig. During the service I got to sit in a small pew right next to the organist. The church I attended was in downtown Atlanta, "The Lutheran Church of the Redeemer". I would sit to the organist's left, one half of the choir would be in a few pews in front of us, and the other half were in pews facing us. My favorite aspect of the experience were the massive organ pipes that lined the facing wall. All of that power. Think that was the most spiritual sensation I had during my church going days. When he (the organist was a male) would strike some of those keys, I felt like I was getting a heart massage. Don't know if I could truly articulate how incredible it was with any appropriate effectiveness. I wasn't ever really 'into' going to church. When I was the acolyte on duty I at least felt like I was there for a purpose. I did enjoy my little cocoon of...what do I call it? Like I said, I'm not a religious person. Wasn't back then, either. I found some things interesting. Confirmation classes were interesting. I just always felt that there was more. The more I read, the more things in the spiritual realm opened up for me. I've always been a very open minded person. Still am. I'm a person that believes that anything is possible until it's proven to me one way or the other. I know a lot of 'Religious' people. Hell, I grew up in the South...the "Bible belt". I even know a few 'Bible thumpers'. To each his own. If it gets them through the day, more power to them. It's not for me though. Religion is just a small facet of Spirituality. Spirituality is all encompassing. Lutheran, Jewish, Buddhist, Wiccan, Druid, Catholic...and the list goes on. I don't really think I could call my belief system by a name. Many years ago, I did go through a pocket of Agnosticism, but these days...I guess my thoughts and feelings about spirituality are more Pagan based than anything. The earth, the moon, the elements as a whole...it just makes sense to me. I jive with some of the Buddhist philosophies, as well. I'm a big believer in energies, and the Buddhist belief that all living things are connected...I dig that. How do I stand on the age old question "Is there a God?" I know it's my days of marathon Dungeons & Dragons gaming talking, but I always thought that if there is a God he's probably sitting up there in space, rolling some 6-sided dice, and laughing his ass off. Do I believe that there is a higher force(s) at work? Yes. It's the completely putting your faith in someone else and doing what they say deal that I don't mesh with. I say look to outside forces to assist, but the real light and energy that needs to be tapped into is within each of us. Don't look 'out there'. Look inside. But that's for another time. My current state of insomnia prevents me from trying to articulate something as deep as that for the moment. When the 'spirit' moves me, I'll get into it.

I just veered off in a direction I hadn't expected to. This blog is just one element of the personal shift I'm making. My creative juices have begun to bubble to the surface again. I couldn't be more tickled about that. I not only need the outlet, I need the creativity. A key to it all is being centered. Feeling centered. I haven't felt centered in awhile. My inner light is dim. I need to throw some spiritual kerosene on it. Am I going to go out and dance naked around a bonfire when the moon is full? No...nobody needs to see that anyway. I have "tools" within me that I've used before. I just need to blow the dust off of them and put them to use again.

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